September 2012

10:20 on a school night. A guy on HGTV is showing off his glass house and bragging about the cost of each item. Good for him, but man, he's distracting.
I should record a few details about life right now before I forget them.

First of all, cute things my kids are saying. When you ask Jack, "Do you like this?" he'll say, "Yes, I am!" instead of "yes, I do!". It's cute.
Then there's Sophie's liberal use of the term "goddamnit". Like, "I don't want to take my goddamnit shoes off!!!" She knows it's slightly naughty, which makes it liberating for a stubborn little hothead like Soph.

Next, boring health stuff. I've been dealing with a weird muscle spasm in my lip for a month now. I also had a facial spasm and some left thumb spasms, but those didn't last. I hope it's nothing, but it could be lots of things. I saw the PA about it already...we'll see. Also, IBS still sucks, but maybe a little better now.

Work? It's okay so far. It's my first time having a window room in Maize, and the window is glorious. I seriously like staying late after work. Once it's dark early outside, we'll see--that might change--but for now, it's a great place to get things done without feeling boxed in. Finally! Also I'm trying to start with more fun stuff built into the curriculum, so we'll see if that backfires. Slightly worried about the state of the parachute that I have to return to PW...

Okay, its 10:30 now, and I want to read some before turning in. I did stay home today--weirdly dizzy and exhausted, like a wimp--but I'm tired, anyway. Getting up early will never be my thing.

Some stuff on my mind...

*Just watched Game of Thrones. Almost done with season 1. Pretty entertaining show, and lots of nice man eye candy. Nice to see Tonks make an appearance, too.
*Facebook pages of those who have passed away are fascinating and heart-wrenching. It's amazing how they provide one more way for words to keep people's spirits alive in the hearts of their loved ones.
*Jimmy Fallon's show should be on at like 10 so I could actually watch it during the week.
*I have taken a million sick days this year. A million=like 15, in case you were wondering. Three of them this week thanks to whatever plague our family has contracted. Ugh. Could be a lot worse, I know.
*Lottery is up really high and everyone's talking about it. If I won I would be more stressed out than I am now, but I still think it would be cool to win. Probably a huge headachey nightmare, but damn it I would finally get a pony.
*The weather is supposed to be awesome tomorrow. ZOO??? I love going to the zoo, what a nerd.
*I think I have eczema on my arm. I wonder why I have it now all of a sudden. Weird.
*Okay this is getting pretty boring, I think I'll stop now. G'night.

Sickness.

Well, spring break 2012 was officially a bust. Lauren and I thought we started out with just allergies going crazy (the week before spring break was full of sunny skies and beautiful weather--we opened windows and endured much pollen infiltration) BUT it quickly became apparent that we were sick. Lauren was just coughing, sneezing, hacking like crazy; I chimed in a bit. Once our actual spring break hit, the weather was gloomy and rainy. Our sinuses went crazy. On Wednesday, I went out for a great sushi lunch with friends, then as soon as I left the restaurant, my ear began throbbing. On Thursday I was able to see my doctor, and sure enough, ear infection. Plus a weird possible eye infection/eye virus, ick. I still wasn't feeling that bad, so we went out for supper together at Monterrey then to the store...where Sophie promptly threw up all over. Luckily, it was her only puke of the week, but at the time we were seriously taken aback. On Saturday, Lauren realized she had an ear infection, so we got her in to immediate care. By this point, the twins were starting to cough and sneeze.They ran high fevers Saturday night and kept me up all night.

We've been in this nasty little holding pattern for about four days now. Lauren, the twins, and I aren't really seeing much improvement. We're exhausted, coughing, sneezing, blowing noses, bleary-eyed...it's disgusting. Andy is probably coming down with it now. I can see us easily going through a solid two weeks of sickness in our house. We are SICK of being SICK. Lauren and I keep wondering how people with real, serious long-term illnesses ever keep going. We went to school/work Monday; Lauren toughed it out a whole day. I came home after 3 hours and stayed home today, too. I really need to just rest and get better, but missing work sucks, and frankly, being there is an awesome break from all of this. But going there and feeling like a drippy-nosed, hacking, feverish freak is no fun at all, either.

I really, really hope this is our last bout with sickness for a long time. :(

Stuffy stuff...

I kinda ditched/forgot about/thought I lost my blog, but here it is. Here are some things I've done since I last wrote:
*discovered Pinterest, a fabulous time waster that makes you think you're storing useful ideas for later.
*learned that cooking bacon in the oven really is the superior way to make bacon.
*did not lose weight. See bacon note above.
*did not start working out, sigh.
*greatly improved classroom discussion methods in my English class, yay!
*worried and thought a lot about putting our dog down, but didn't have to. Found renewed love of dog.
*realized that the terrible threes really are worse than the terrible twos.
*endured my daughter having a horrible boyfriend and breaking up with said boyfriend, whew.
*stopped watching almost every TV show I used to follow.
*cut my hair short and kept it pretty short; got highlights that went too blonde then darkened them up again.
*had a scare with my dad's health and learned to look at life, faith, and family differently.
*read several classic books that were on my list of shame.
*made a paper wig for Lauren's Andy Warhol project and realized how much I miss art.
*saw no great concerts, took no amazing trips...well, Minneapolis was alright. Anytime I get to visit a faraway spot I've never seen, it's pretty cool.
*Survived in my high-stress, no-money, kid-filled, sleep-deprived, crazy-but-loveable life.

Ah, poo.

So much for regular blogging. A few thoughts are better than nothing, so here's a quick run-down of what's up. I'll type til my battery dies, which may be any minute.

1. Haven't watched late nite tv for a while. Larry David and Entourage reruns, not bad for the basic basic cable package.
2. Husband out with brother-in-law's brother. Still. Too late for me! Missed him tonight but enjoyed time alone, too.
3. Kids were pretty damn cute today. Actually playing together.
4. Let teenage daughter go to Riverfest with just 3 other girlfriends. Kinda scary but she's home fine. Brought me a cherry limeade, delish. Love her!
5. I love finding and trying new recipes so hard. Awesome part of summer.
6. Money, shit. What is up? Must buckle down tight.
7. Finally reading again, thank God. Girl with Dragon Tattoo took way longer to get into than it should have, but intriguing now. How will it all come together?
8. Hermit tendancies kicking in wayyy too much already. Must...associate...with...others...beyond...immediate...family!!!
Okay, battery very low. Peace.

Back to the Blog

Funny how a little hiatus turns into a big ol' break. I stopped blogging because I got into a March slump, and boom, it's suddenly almost the end of April, and I still haven't written a thing! Thanks to Kathleen for reminding me to get back into it.

Realizing that there are only five more weeks of school is a pretty good slump buster, too. I never tire of looking forward to summer; it still has its magical wonder it held in my childhood. So here are some things I look forward to once summer arrives:

1. The smell of it. Fresh-cut grass, fragrant flowers, sweet summer rain. Beautiful natural smells that invoke all of summer's glory with one whiff.
2. Sleeping in a little bit. I can't go crazy and sleep all morning like I used to, but even sleeping 'til 7:30 or 8 will fine with me. Still haven't kicked the night owl habits, after all.
3. Spending some QT with the fam. Always nice...well, okay, we are bound to have some summer cabin fever during those 100-plus degree week-long streaks that inevitably happen, but besides that, we'll bond.
4. Feeling like my old self. Let's face it, being a teacher can make a person feel like an alien creature sometimes. Constantly being on guard takes its toll; policing teenagers all day is a drain, no matter how much you love the little squirts. A few days out of that routine, and I hit a level of relaxation that is unattainable during the school year. Aaahhh.
5. Traveling. It's getting better with toddlers--portable DVD players are amazing inventions that suck those kids right in and make the trip fly by. While I'd love to go somewhere exotic/exciting, even visiting family in KS is cool with no school pressure to face upon returning home.
So those are a few highlights, and I'm tired so I'm stopping there for now. Plus I have a bit of grading to do, if I can stay awake.

I've got the...Sundayyyy night blues (baby, baby), Sundayyyyy night blues...

Sundayyyyy, ni-i-i-ght blue-who-hooooos.
Yes, world, it's Sunday night again. How did it EVER get here so fast? Seriously. SERIOUSLY. Where did my weekend go? What on earth did I accomplish?  What DIDN'T I do that I really thought I would? Now that thought inspires list-worthy observations...
1. I did not finish grading the lame stack of papers that has been sitting here for nearly a month. I totally should have and could have. I graded some, but not all. Shame, shame on me. At this point in my life, I cram paper grading into obscure nooks and crannies of time. I go ahead and have a little TV time, but grade a couple, then a few days later, knock out a small stack (like three) at work, then a few days later, pick up a bigger pile with good intentions...but fall asleep. One of my quotes of the day on my desk calendar said something like "Work is love made visible" and it totally gave me a guilt complex for slacking on these papers. But then again, I have put some serious time/work into other areas of my life, like yearbook and my home life, these past few weeks, so maybe I should ease up on the guilt. Anyway, I vow to finish two more before I go to bed, and hit the rest tomorrow. They are starting to drive me nuts, hanging over my head for this long.
2. I did not go to Menards with Andy and the kids. Actually, I stayed in the house nearly all weekend. I did not apply make-up, and I did not wear a structured bra. I did not even shower today. Perhaps I took weekend mode too far, upon reflection.
3. I did not eat the rest of the Thin Mints. I still have a sleeve of them left. This should impress people.
4. I did not remember to take my work clothes out of the dryer while they were still warm. Damn it. I hope the wrinkles aren't too bad, because I did NOT iron. If I were to iron, I would suddenly gain about twice the wardrobe that I usually choose from, actually. I do this about twice per school year.
Okay, it's pretty late. I need to snap out of Sunday night denial and finish these two papers and go to bed.
:(   Oh well, once I'm at work and past first block I'll snap back into the routine...usually works...

So sleepy, yet too stubborn to go to bed.

Yearbook group picture day was today. I dreaded it, but it went just fine. I am worn out now, though--something about prolonged standing, constant worrying, trying to keep all the ducks in a row--it's exhausting. My body is also sending me reminders that I'm no longer 25: throbbing feet, aching knees, scratchy eyes. Good grief, should it be this bad already? The 100-or-so white hairs on my head tell me yeah. Cool. 

And now I hear that the twinnikins are in there having a toddler party when they should be sleeping. They've been in bed for about 45 minutes, and yet, clearly, they are both awake. Perhaps our neighbor's INSANELY loud motorcycle is keeping them up. Or maybe the sugar in the Oreos I let them have after supper. It's a toss-up: go in there and scold them/check for poopy diapers? Wait it out and see if they're on the verge of sleep? My sore propped-up feet tell me to wait and keep typing.

On nights like this when my nerves feel frayed, I long to live in the country, or even better, on a secluded beach. I would love a place with NO neighbors close by, no constantly-traveled roads or streets near my home. This scene would be best on a cool spring night. I would fling the windows wide open to let in moonlight, starlight, sweet night air and soothing sounds. Trees rustling, maybe some water lapping or waves crashing gently. I would sit in perfect stillness for minutes, hours, just breathing slowly, enjoying my solitude...

But back to the present. I no longer hear the voices of my sweet babies; they must have drifted off. A car passes by, but the driver doesn't thump his bass or rev his engine. My dog snores on the chair next to me, his floppy ears covering his eyes as he slumbers in doggie bliss. I hear my husband chuckle as he plays an online game with his brothers; I'm glad they have some bonding time this evening. It's serene...

And then Sophie shrieks. It's her obnoxious shriek, her "I am not conquered, I shall not be quieted!" shriek. Even this is a happy noise, though, a sign of my child's strong spirit, will, and health. 

I suppose I'll check on her, after all. Good night!

 

Yowzas!

Just read this little newsbite:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41618492/ns/us_news-life/

In case you're not inclined to follow and read the link, the article refers to a teacher, Natalie Munroe, who has been suspended from teaching because of what she posted on her blog. She didn't refer to herself OR her students by name. She used a little profanity. She ranted a bit. And she got nailed for it. Huh.

When I blog, I'm aware of the fact that my full name is listed. This blog is easy to find. I figure that very few people will look for it, and if any of my students find my blog, they won't be too interested in what I have to say...but perhaps I should rethink this mindset.

I don't really post about work. One time I posted from parent-teacher conferences, after being inspired by a plaid poncho, but I didn't think that someone would find my blog, realize I blogged FROM the school ABOUT someone in the school, and get upset. But maybe this could happen.

If anything, I think of blogging as an exercise to keep me in touch with the writing part of my job. I should practice what I preach. I should write. I should publish. I should put something out there that anyone, including my students could read (if they really wanted to). I should show people that anyone can write, everyone has something to say, and even a little bit matters.

So, for the record...I love my job. Even though I do get frustrated sometimes, I know that this is a great place to be. I try to convey this attitude to my students. I wasn't always so chipper, but after I had the twins and Andy was laid off, something clicked (panic?), and for the past couple of years, I've felt more positive than negative about work, about my district, about public education in general. I get to do something that matters and get paid for it. This thought, this fact strikes me as amazing again and again.

As for my students? If they seem disengaged, I try to look at the whole picture. Have I shown a genuine interest? Do I know what's going on in that kid's world? It would be great if school could be the #1 priority for each and every kid, but for some, it's just a blip on their radar. Some of these kids are already critically enmeshed in the activity of just surviving. A few are amazingly talented...but not in any single activity covered in our curriculum. But most of them will respond, are willing to learn, have amazing potential. I know this, I close my eyes and remind myself of this on the bad days, I beat my head against the wall trying to figure out the key that will unlock that potential.

It has to be a workable key, after all, for both the student and for me. I know I'm not Michelle Pfeifer in Dangerous Minds, showing off karate moves and showing up at students' homes. Nor am I Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, whispering and yawping as I lead eager young lads running triumphantly through their formative years. I am who I am--a fairly laid-back teacher, mom, and wife without a lot of theatrics up my sleeve. Not a lot of razzle-dazzle in my routine, and let's face it, it's hard to compete with all the flashy acts out there today. I have to work with who I am, navigate the constraints on my time and energy, and still try to connect with these kids. That key is an elusive fit.

I hope they back off of poor Natalie Munroe. First of all, she was 8 months pregnant. As any mom knows, she was a saint for even showing up for the job, at that point. Also, I do think she has very likely learned her lesson. It's a lesson we're all supposed to teach our students: anything you put on the internet is irrevocable; anyone can find it.  It's a good reminder for this blogger, as well.

Darkly Dreaming Dexter...

We just finished watching season two of Dexter (I'm pretty sure I mention this fact too much, but hey, I watch and write within the same time span, most nights, so it's on my mind).  I am enjoying the show and the unexpected bonus entertainment it has provided: crazy Dexter-inspired dreams. Sadly, I don't remember all the details of the dreams for long, but I catch flashbacks to them that are quite interesting as I go about my business the next day. In at least one dream, for example, I was Dexter, or at least a Dexter-ish character. It was a first-person slasher dream, minus the explicit carnage--for some reason I don't remember seeing body parts or blood flying about; it was more of the slashing/stalking stuff. Creepy, but not really disturbing, as it perhaps should have been.

Last night's murder-themed dream featured one of my uncles who, in the dream, flipped out and went on a killing spree, with mostly kids as the victims. Totally reminded me of The Shining, only there were LOTS of kids around, and they were in a big, vacant, underground warehouse-type place instead of a rambling hotel. Although I knew terrible things were happening, I was again spared the actual killing scenes--it was a very "removed" sense of horror. My uncle made a stunningly wicked villain, and the action was intense.

These dreams fascinate me--I'm rather proud of my subconscious for developing such intricate stories, settings, characters--even the direction is compelling. I feel like I get a little glimpse of what great movie and television writers tap into when they are actually AWAKE (jealous!!!). And a little terror while I sleep makes the daytime hours seem that much more calm and bright. I feel a little thrill when something jolts my mind out of the blue, reminding me of the dream that was so vivid just hours before. I wonder, though--at some point, will one of these dreams go too far and actually wake me up, upset me, scare me? We'll see. Until then, I'll look forward to catching the next episode.

There's always time to write.

So I'm at parent-teacher conferences right now, and despite the possibility of constant interruption, I've decided that I should write a bit. I don't have the attention span for anything extremely cohesive or serious, so I'm thinking a list is in order...the topic? How about random things I've noticed.
1. The poncho. A lady in front of me is wearing a plaid poncho/wrap, and it looks pretty cozy. Kinda like this:

I can't decide if she's pulling it off or not. It makes me want to stare at her. I think she knows I'm staring at her. Crap. Now I want to stare at everyone's outerwear. Hmm, leather jacket, wool peacoat, parka with faux fur trim. Kind of easy to judge people based on the style/condition of their coats.
2. 365letters. http://365letters.com/ Shelly's blog is sooo fun to read. She includes pics, videos, etc. Must figure out if I can do that with this blog. Surely so. Maybe they'll base a movie off of her blog, ala Julie and Julia.
3. Dexter. Not liking Season 2 as much as I thought I would. Lila sucks. He's not killing anyone. I'm guessing it'll pick up??? Still want to see what happens, though!
4. Lauren Conrad has written 2 best-selling books. WTF.
5.  No dessert. Glad we still got a meal for conferences, but was looking forward to a cookie. Healthy eating. Balls. Good thing I had that Hershey's bar handy.
6.  Soooo cold. Yayyy, little space heater! Best $20 gift ever.
7. Secret Pal. I should never be one. I vow here and now to never, ever, ever sign up for this again.
8. Things to look forward to: Aaron and Tanna's wedding--should be fun! HOT weather. Another three-day weekend, woot!!! Traveling again, someday, somehow--Big Sur/Half Moon Bayyyyy!!!!! It WILL happen.
9. Random former neighbor at the next table. Son looks the same as he did four years ago; daughter is all grown up, wow.
10.  Making eye contact with people I recognize and should know...what is that lady's name???
Well, that's 10 things and it's only 6:30? Rawwr! I should just enjoy this relaxation time, right? Ommm.

Wheel of inspiration.

Today I learned that my blog was part of the inspiration for another new blog/writing project. This is exciting! I love the idea that writing can be contagious, and that more of us are putting ourselves out there. Knowing that my peers are writing inspires me to keep going, and makes me wonder--why did I quit writing, in the first place? What turned me away from a creative outlet that fueled me for so long?

I used to write all the time. Back in grade school, high school, college, I was constantly scribbling something, somewhere, in whatever style suited me. At the tender age of seven or eight, I remember penning an entire book that was about 24 pages long. I think my mom still has it. A fantastical, hand-written script, my story chronicled the life of a princess with silver-sparkle everything, and ponies galore. I'm not sure I was as worried about giving the princess a plot as I was obsessed with imagining the details of her silver-sparkle wardrobe and stable of noble steeds, but it didn't matter--I was enthralled with my tale, and eager to share it.

Of course, the princess stage didn't last long. In the musty, spooky basement of the old Norton library, I discovered collections of Charles Schultz's Peanuts comics, from which I learned rich new vocabulary and literary devices, including the concept of sarcasm. Soon, I was in junior high, and sarcasm became both a shield and a language that I and so many other awkward kids spoke fluently. Instead of crafting stories, I penned countless notes, along with a few letters, diary entries, and even a few poems. While the notes were salty little jabs intended to crack up my friends, the poems were usually awkward little things pathetically crafted for one specific boy or another. I shoved at least one of these tender expressions of pre-teen longing into a boy's locker; I'm sure the kid didn't adequately appreciate the earnestly-penned words of an awkward, flat-chested, glasses-wearing geek-ette.

As I moved on to high school and college, I kept writing the letters, diary entries, and poems. I especially depended upon letters. I wish I had kept more of those I received; they would be so fun to read now. I remember with particular fondness the absurd origami-esque mailings that would appear from my friend Jarrod. I have no idea how these creations made it through the US Postal Service's system, since he would use whatever material caught his fancy, cover it with writing and illustrations, fold it up, stick a stamp on it, and throw it in the mail without a bit of regard for postal standards or regulations. His letters were wicked diatribes; I responded with my own devilish musings. Together, we were incorrigible, and it was great fun.

I did keep some of the letters that I wrote to myself. A few of them still give me a jolt when I read them now.  I obviously journaled as a form of free therapy; my late teen and early college years were rough, and I was much lonelier than I ever realized at the time.The demons I wrestled weren't the right kind of company to keep, I guess, but maybe by writing, I kept them in check, at least a little bit.

(to be continued)

I heart irony.

Yes, I looooove irony. I also have a great affinity for karma, poetic justice, the getting of just deserts--any fictional or, oh please, real life twist of fate that ends with grim, yet wildly satisfying (and well-deserved) universe-driven retribution.

Three cheers, as well, for karma's little helpers. These are the fearless few who boldly push, prod, and coax karma along, speeding up the process by which the assholes of the world get what they have coming. Ironically, by helping karma along, these cosmic elves risk earning their own comeuppance, but the reward earned for assisting karma is just too tempting to resist. Haven't we all taken this risk in exchange for just one taste of vengeance, just one moment of feeling that life really can be fair?

Of course, karma is at her most beautiful in her natural, unaided state. The neglectful neighbor who lets her dog shit all over the neighborhood? Ahhh, you just saw her scraping poo off her shoe. Truly, this sight rivals Niagara Falls in inspiring a sense of wonder and well-being. The speed demon who recklessly cut you off in traffic? Oooh, you guessed it, pulled over and issued a speeding ticket. We're talking Grand-Canyon good, on the right day.

But who am I to judge my other neighbor--you know, the one who deliberately positioned that shoe-defiling pile of poo right on the neglectful neighbor's front step? How can I begrudge the guy who, unbeknown to me, called in the speed demon and helped orchestrate that fateful ticket? I'm pretty sure he's my hero.

Fun stuff.

Today, for the first time, I wrote a blog entry and immediately deleted it. It was a little too brooding and self-centered. I think I need to write about random fun stuff instead. Whee!

1. Groundhog Day. I love this movie; I love Bill Murray.

2. Accessories. Girly strings of beads, sparkly dangling earrings, brightly printed bags. Yay!

3. Wine. Oooh, yeah! But not wine hangovers. Ooooh, no!

4. Ponies. I haven't mentioned ponies on any of these blog posts yet, and that is sad. Ponies rock.

5. My kids. They are pretty damn delightful like 99.9% of the time, and they are up for a good time whenever. Little party animals, all three of them. Love it!

6. The song "All These Things I've Done" by the Killers. I should play this when my students enter the classroom tomorrow, except it might rock their socks off. Dy-no-miiiiite.

7. Messing with people's minds. Just a lil bit. Especially teenagers who fail to grasp irony/humor. Mwa-ha-ha!

8. Magna-doodles. Wicked fun. 

9. Okay, now my brain is flooded with toys and funky songs and rainbows and dancing, so I think my job here is done. Peace out.

Yep.

Just watched the movie Salt. Pretty good. Angelina's a bit gaunt these days, though. She looked much more capable of kicking ass back in her Lara Croft days.

Watched Easy A today, too. Made me laugh out loud, which was nice. If only real life teenagers were as universally literate/witty as those depicted in this flick. Enjoyed Lisa Kudrow playing a bitch. Had to pause about five times toward the end because the twins woke up early, had poopy pants, cried, whined, etc.

Ate some Taco Pronto for lunch. Not as good as I remembered. Salty. Ironically, did not eat it while watching Salt.

Christmas break is over. Had some good times. The days with nice weather rocked. Loved going to the zoo and playing outside with the kids. Enjoyed mall trip with Lauren and Jennifer. Mall pizza is still greasilicious. Made up that word. Obviously. Should have done more with just Andy and just Lauren, probably. Not so easy with the twins at this age. Nope.

Computer being weird. Me too. Will probably benefit from getting out of the house and back to work. Kind of wish this wasn't true, but it seems pretty true. 

Letter from 60-year-old Me

Dear 35-year-old Me,

I hope you really enjoyed the past few days of stuffing your face and lazing about with family over the Christmas holiday. As the new year approaches, you will find yourself making the same day-to-day choices you have been confronted with for several years now, but do me a favor. Please consider MY well-being as you make these choices.

Now before tear you down a bit, I feel obligated to mention that I completely understand the stress you've been under lately; after all, I literally walked in your shoes 25 seemingly short years ago. But here's a news flash you may want to consider: as you age, you will not necessarily find life LESS stressful. Many things are coming your way that will push you even further, testing your will and your patience. So rather than just viewing this as a hard time that will pass, see it as a plateau where you can rest, catch your breath, and prepare for anything. We both know that preparing, making plans, following through with tasks that require consistent self-discipline--these areas have not always been your strong suit. But a little structure now will benefit ME, and my interests should be of great importance to you.

Here is a simple list for you to consider--a starting point, of sorts. First, set some goals in every area of your life. I don't want to give anything away, and the future is not set in stone yet, but you should probably consider some health-related goals, for instance. I strongly recommend attaining a respectable level of fitness, strength, and flexibility NOW, while you still have that relatively young body to work with. Even meeting some minimum recommendations will suit me fine, just please, make a few improvements and for the love of God, DON'T let it get worse. Trust me, you want to be able to play on the floor with your grandkids, and you would LOVE the option of wearing a bathing suit in public. Which brings me to my next point...

Finances. I would love to wear said bathing suit on a beach, on a vacation, or even better yet, on a vacation taken during retirement. I do NOT want to teach for another six to ten years, so at the very least, make sure that my retirement is taken care of. If your current financial situation does pick up (and I'm not saying it will or won't!) PLEASE remember the lessons you've learned over the past two years. I like to think of myself as a wise woman, so don't make a fool of me.

Finally, nurture your relationships. Send emails, cards, notes, make phone calls. Keep up the date nights, the mother-daughter days, play-time with the twins. Make an effort to hug and visit your parents and sisters more often. And the advice you could use most right now? Make some time for yourself. You're creative, you'll figure out when and how. The writing is a good start--don't stop. Find a few more outlets like this and I'll be a well-adjusted lady.

I realize these are basic areas of life that I hardly need to mention, but they are gifts that I want more than anything, and only you can give them to me. YOU get to determine so much of who I am, how I feel, and what I have in my life. All I can give you in return is a bit of direction, and a couple detailed scenarios to choose from. As you read this, do you picture me lumbering about, winded, pasty, and disheveled, exhausted by life and constantly frazzled? Am I lonely and unsettled, with few options ahead of me? Or am I chic, trim, and energized, with a sense of calm and a youthful spark, looking joyously forward to years I will share with loved ones? Which do you think I'd RATHER be?

It's up to you, in so many ways. Don't forget it.

Sincerely,
 60-year-old Me.

Still a kitten.

My big, fat, devious, 10+ year old cat Kitty is still a kitten at heart. Right now she is having a blast batting around a tiny Happy Meal toy kitten around on the floor next to me. When I peek over the edge of my chair and make eye contact with her, she stops, her pupils gigantic, her tail twitching, and she gives me a look that says, "What?" When I go back to ignoring her, she waits a beat, then resumes her play. It's completely endearing.

Every now and then, I surprise myself with my own kitten-esque moments. I know I'm not the most serious adult in the world--and I do deeply admire and envy serious adults--but these flashes of youthful abandonment can be alarmingly juvenile. Ridiculous thoughts slide in and take hold. Tempting white lies squirm into my mind, shaping and disguising themselves as possible truths. Inappropriate comments meant to shock bubble to the surface and sometimes break through. I fall prey to girlish fits of giggling, gossiping, being too rude, too loud, too raunchy, too wild-eyed, too attention-seeking...then a pointed look, a disapproving glance from an observer will be met with my "What?" look. What? Why can't I just be THIS once in a while? What??? But more often than not, I'm staring in the mirror. The reproachful gaze comes from the version of me who tries to be a serious adult and is shamed by my ridiculous weakness, my immature bursts of failure.

So I am kitten less and less. I channel my oh-so-un-adult tendencies into proper, acceptable moments of play with my kids, my niece, my nephews. I get seriously goofy with them in the hopes that I will be able to restrain the silliness elsewhere. I'm not sure how well I disguise my true nature, though.

Meow.

Writing is...

MUCH more fun than grading. Sigh.

One. More. Week.

Confession: I think I was a lil bit tipsy when I wrote last night's blog entry, surprise. Now I'm back to less-than-thrilling reality, wondering how I'm going to muddle through one more week, including a yearbook deadline, before break. Ughhhhhhhhh. Then break will fly by, and the one-two punch of January/February will sock me right in the gut.

Plus, our "try to live off one teacher salary" plan is now in effect, so tomorrow we will be relegated to basic basic cable. I'm enjoying one more night of flipping through stupid channels I don't need, then I'll probably miss them for no good reason. Iron Chef, wah wahhh. House Hunters, wah wah wahhhhhh. Oh, well. I will be so proud of us if we can pull off this financial feat.

Maybe I shouldn't blog on Sunday nights. They are just dreadful. My head throbs with pessimistic grumblings, no good, no good.

So, gooood night.

Up!

I feel floaty and content, and not just because of the vodka-laced cherry limeade, the strawberry margarita, and the knock-out strong cosmo that I slurped down this evening...though they contributed to this state of being, I'm sure. But let's look into the factors that made my evening pleasant.

First, Lauren and her friend cheerily agreed to babysit so Andy and I could finally go see the latest Harry Potter movie. I don't think the kids even cried when we left. The only "payment" Lauren asked for was having her darling friend over to help babysit. Before any of this happened, Lauren cleaned the kitchen without complaining once. Sweet, sweet daughter.

Then there's Andy, who agreed to alter our evening plans because he knew I didn't want to be out as late as originally planned. He didn't complain about that OR about the fact that I took a little too long to get ready. He complemented me when I finally emerged, ready to go. At the movie, he agreed to my menu selections and let me pick the seats. We just had fun together. Awesome.

Over the course of the night, every time we needed to pay for something I had a little stash of cash right there courtesy of my parents, who still slip me some moola every time we see them. It does make for a nice treat, especially when times are a little tough. I feel like a kid again thanks to them.

Leaving the movie, we ran into some dear friends from Hays, so we stopped for drinks and conversation. Meeting up with people you've known for that long is such a source of warmth and reassurance. They are solid, down to earth, funny--it was an unexpected pleasure to see them.

The Harry Potter movie was, of course, amazing. I usually dread visits to movie theaters, but Harry Potter crowds are special. With them, I sense a current of camaraderie that adds to the magic on the screen. We all know Harry; we all root for house elves.

Finally, I got to come home to a warm house on a frigid night and feel thankful for every simple pleasure I have.